Cor - its just like Christmas!

[Blink Bonny]

Man, dem fighting woids! (as a New Yorker might say!)

But I'm a devout coward so I'll wander off, clucking gently. Oooh - I've laid an egg!

OOOOWWWWWW!!!!!

Me wallet's just bitten me. Gerrere, yer scamp!*

At this point, Mrs BB must take up the story. BB is leaping around the room, being bitten in all sorts of places by his wallet and bellowing mellowly.

* the actual word is unrepeatable in polite company. Or on a PM. Or indeed anywhere!

[Postman Prat]

Hi Mrs BB

Hope he's recovering. I notice that we are both members of the same religion, although I don't lay eggs!!!!

PP

I bet that word is the same one I regularly used in the navy, and elsewhere!!

[Blink Bonny]

(sounds of crashing in the distance)

He's slowly recovering although right now it looks like the wallet may be getting the upper hand!

[Postman Prat]

Hi Mrs BB

Glad to hear that you think he's on the mend. You've got to take care, Yorkshire wallets see day-light so rarely they go mad when they do, and if the padlocks off...............!

I also get the impression that BB is turning as daft as I am!!

[manna]

G'Day Gents

Any cheap eggs !!!!!

manna

[Postman Prat]

G'day, Sport

I'll see if we have any eggstra!!

[Blink Bonny]

(puff, pant)

Ay up!

Finally subdued the wallet. Its locked in a cage in the corner of the room, bouncing off the walls. The cage moves when it does this!

'Fraid the eggs have been cooked in an omelettee and scoffed by Mrs BB who keeps threatening to release my wallet and see if I can lay any more.

I tried you bag of 50p pieces trick, Sport. Didn't work. The wallet scoffed the lot. And belched. Mightily.

Oh-oh - I think its escaped. HELP!!!!!!

[Bill Bedford]

Hi BB

No, Yorkshire's in the Midlands!!

As a relocated Geordie I maintain that you're not near the North till you cross the river Tees. A friend of mine from Leeds always gets upset when I say this - but it's true!!

Nah............

The Pentland Firth is definitely 'Sooth'

[Blink Bonny]

Ay up!

This could get interesting.

The wallet is perched on my shoulder, watching.

GOTCHA!!! OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! It's bitten me. Again.

Mrs BB - Seconds out, round 354!

[Autocar Publicity]

Yorkshire is neither in the Midlands or North Country. It's a separate buffer state either protecting them soft Mercian nancies from the hordes of Geordies and cattle reivers or preventing the spread of seditious southern ideas such as inside lavatories and cooked food from reaching the North, depending which way you're looking.

As for your wallet BB, try a Wakefield Spaniel or a Lancashire Setter on it - they should get it back into the cage (just make sure the parrot's out first or Mrs BB will be commenting on the difference in eggs...). Failing that, has anyone any trolleybus tokens with which it might be sedated?

[Blink Bonny]

Ay up!

Tried the Rottweiler from over the road, and a mate's Jack Russell. All ran yelping from the house and have never been seen again.

Hmm. A large hammer. I wonder....

Here, wally, wally. C'm 'ere.

WHACKO!!!!

Ah - that seems to have worked.

Mrs BB - for now, at least. Wait till the ebay packages start arriving next week!

I rather like the thought of Yorkshire being some sort of DMZ. Reckon we're stubborn enough to stop them Suvverners coming norf or them Geordies coming sarf.

[Postman Prat]

Hi

The 'Buffer State' is good in theory but how do you explain away a Geordie, like me, in Southampton. And there's lots of us!!!

[strang steel]

I was always told that the Far North to Londoners, was Barnet.

[Blink Bonny]

Ay up!

Well, to a bloke from Cornwall, Cardiff's the far North.

Oh - wallet update. Its seen the new Triang cement wagon wot arrived this morning and is throwing itself at the bars, growling and slobbering.

Thankfully, its now in a (much) stronger cage.

Seeing as the nice weather has now broken, looks like trains will become an indoor hobby once again .

[Blink Bonny]

Ay up!

Well, would you Adam and Eve it? I've found a way to tame even a Yorkshire Wallet.

My better half, a real Black Country wench* if ever there was one, picked it up to examine its contents. Always dangerous! However, it purred (never knew wallets did that!) then trembled as her fingers explored the interior.

It was minus £20 when she gave it me back, but that's the way of things I suppose!

* wench - a Black Country word in general use indicating a comely** young maiden

** do I really need to explain this?