The LNER Encyclopedia

A photon checks into a hotel, the receptionist asks him if he has any baggage, the photon replies no im travelling light.

There are two sodium atoms walking down the street.

First one says: I think I've lost an electron.
Second one says: Are you sure?
First one replies: Yes I'm positive.


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And the topical...

Barman: We do not serve faster than light particles.
A neutrino walks into the bar.

That's like:

A hamburger walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman says "Sorry, we don't serve food!"

Dear me!

Here's two:

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender 'how much for a drink?'
The bartender replies 'for you, no charge'

A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a double scotch.
The barmaid replied " Sorry, we don't serve spirits "

The old ones are the best and I'm old!!

A Greek, an Irishman and an Italian walk into a bar and orders drinks who pays the bill?

The German's

Apparently thats the no.1 joke in Germany these days

Ay up!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into the bar.

The barman said: "Is this is joke?"

Two men are standing at a bar when one asks, "Would you like to hear a joke about Sodium and Potassium?"
His friend rolls his eyes, and replies, "Na, it's 'K"

Herp a Derp. Chemistry Joke!


(Not made by me)

Ay up!

Our chem teacher is dead and gone,
His face we'll see no more.

For what he took for H2O
Was H2SO4!

I thank you.....

Majormagna wrote:Herp a Derp. Chemistry Joke!

Bit like the old Helmut Kohl joke, who was not noted for his command of English:
Maggie Thatcher, Ronald Reagan and Helmut Kohl walk into a bar!
Maggie Thatcher: I have a beer, please
Ronald Reagan: I'll have one too, please
Helmut Kohl: I'll have one three, please

Sorry, Peter

A Bernard Manning joke from 'The Comedians' telly series circa 1972.

Bernard-
"I'm very unlucky when it comes to marriage both my wives died on me, the first wife died after eating poison mushrooms and the second with a fractured skull."

Other person-
"A fractured skull?."

"Yes she wouldn't eat her mushrooms!!."

Heres another Bernard Manning joke from The Comedians telly series circa 1972.

A fella is laying in bed with his mrs at 3:am when the phone rings!!.

The husband "Hello!. You want the meteorological office good night!!."

The wife "Who was that?."

The husband "Some fella wanted to know if the coast was clear?."