Scientific discovery

[Autocar Publicity]

I have been sent news of this recent discovery by a friend. It may go some way to explaining certain problems in our public finances.

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally
take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical
morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
(symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many
morons.

(My apologies to those who genuinely want to do a proper job but are stifled by the time-servers and incompetents).

[60041]

I work for the local authority, I think we have an isotope of this at County Hall.

[StoneRoad]

Actually, I thought That Gv, as described by the OP, has another isotope besides Ad, which only occurs naturally when European influence is in occulsion, and that is Bu or Bureaucratium. The common name is redtapeitism, and is to be found when someone has had a good idea!

(I'll get me coat!)

[redtoon1892]

South Tyneside M.B.C. must be in serious danger of a meltdown if this is the case, it must be very contagious as it appears Gateshead M.B.C. is developing symptoms.

[StoneRoad]

to misquote someone I know quite well -

bl*****y Muppets!

(in reference to certain *local* persons)

I think I'll tell him about this *new* element, it might amuse him.

[Autocar Publicity]

Perhaps MBC stands for "Moronic bureaucrat contagion"?