Bah Humbug...

[Autocar Publicity]

Memo

To: All employees

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EU legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas,

The Risk Management Team



Seriously, a Happy (however you define this) Christmas to everyone. Best wishes, Simon

[Blink Bonny]

Ay up, Simon!

You've forgotten the State Visit by the Three Kings or are they held up at Passport Control?

[manna]

G'Day Gents

Just for your information, remote CCTV, is now very common here in the remote stations of the Aussie outback, farmers can now watch there flocks from over a hundred miles away, they also watch the amount of water in the troughs and can turn on the pumps that refill them.

manna

[52A]

Would not be allowed in this country, spying on them would be against their ovine rights.

[JASd17]

All the best to Simon and all forum members, particularly those who make it happen, Richard.

If you are thinking about joining or volunteering to help an LNER based organisation, just do it, we all need help.

Thanks,

John

[Blink Bonny]

Would not be allowed in this country, spying on them would be against their ovine rights.

52A you may have a point. Animals have right you humans don't.

[Horsetan]

Would not be allowed in this country, spying on them would be against their ovine rights.

52A you may have a point. Animals have right you humans don't.

So do vegetables.

[Blink Bonny]

Would not be allowed in this country, spying on them would be against their ovine rights.

52A you may have a point. Animals have right you humans don't.

So do vegetables.

Vegetarians beware!